I’ve been enjoying a closeness that’s formed with my friends lately, and all I really want to do is sit and laugh with them, drink and eat and celebrate them. I’m taking pleasure in the mushiness.
My home is getting closer to the way I envisioned it, taking it slow with decorating allows me to really figure out what I want to see and feel. It’s been kind of magical watching my plants grow in the courtyard. Every day they take a new shape, and a new shade of green shows itself to the world. Brilliant. I just want to sit out there and stare at them.The simple things. I spent half a day making an apple tart which was incredibly rewarding.
So I’m sending all my love, and wishing everyone a happy spring. Hope to see you in the park soon, with your sandwiches and your baseball mitts.
Choosing A Path
It’s really difficult to make decisions in this life and not question whether or not you made the right one. You can only take comfort in the certainty that nothing is a sure thing, there is no perfect choice.
There are some paths in my life that have crossed me like a freeway, welcoming me along the open road. I choose that path with confidence. I can feel it in my gut when a clear path is in front of me, I just know it’s right. But then there are these other muddled little paths, dark and stumbly with roads intersecting, and I see them all blurry like I slept in my contacts. It’s when I have to choose one of those squirrely little trails that I get all jammed up.
I was recently faced with having to choose one of these uncertain paths, and I was very doubtful of my verdict. I thought I came to it with reason and sense, but when the choice was made, I felt crushed. I have since spent a fair amount of time torturing my mind with doubt and regret. Somewhere inside me I know I made the right decision, but the emotional affect of that choice has prevented me from recognizing that.
But like I said; we can all take comfort in the unknown, because it’s the only thing we can actually count on. Sometimes it’s the hardest choices that lead us to the most rewarding outcome.
It’s so easy to fall into the alluring trap of comfort. Nice and cozy, warm and snugly, days languidly passing you by as you follow your reassuring routine. But then you wake up years later with a huge ass, a job that a monkey could do, and a broken towel rack.
I’m not saying we have to live in a constant state of uncertainty in order to accomplish something cool. I just think it’s important to recognize an evolutionary halt because we’ve settled too deeply into a warm spot. I am writing this because I have to remind myself of that fact.
It’s hard not to fear leaving that nook of security for the unknown, even if you know in your heart that there’s something better out there. The thought of taking that leap into the indefinite, and winding up with a huge bag of worse than before, is a little debilitating. But the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life have been the scary ones. The ones with the unpredictable outcome. The decisions that make me feel alive and strong and powerful. Brave.
I also think making small changes in the way we live our rhythmic lives can shake us up a bit too. The monotony of your commute to work can be transformed with a walk to the next subway stop and in turn, you will accidentally trip on an unfamiliar curb and collide with the love of your life. See how wonderful change can be.
I can’t let myself be afraid of change just because I can’t see the future. But if I am afraid, I will confront that fear and accept it, take it with me face into the wind pushing through the darkness of the unknown.