my nyc in color

Getting Comfortable

Erin — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 10:41:26 +0000

It’s so easy to fall into the alluring trap of comfort. Nice and cozy, warm and snugly, days languidly passing you by as you follow your reassuring routine. But then you wake up years later with a huge ass, a job that a monkey could do, and a broken towel rack.
I’m not saying we have to live in a constant state of uncertainty in order to accomplish something cool. I just think it’s important to recognize an evolutionary halt because we’ve settled too deeply into a warm spot. I am writing this because I have to remind myself of that fact.
It’s hard not to fear leaving that nook of security for the unknown, even if you know in your heart that there’s something better out there. The thought of taking that leap into the indefinite, and winding up with a huge bag of worse than before, is a little debilitating. But the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life have been the scary ones. The ones with the unpredictable outcome. The decisions that make me feel alive and strong and powerful. Brave.
I also think making small changes in the way we live our rhythmic lives can shake us up a bit too. The monotony of your commute to work can be transformed with a walk to the next subway stop and in turn, you will accidentally trip on an unfamiliar curb and collide with the love of your life. See how wonderful change can be.
I can’t let myself be afraid of change just because I can’t see the future. But if I am afraid, I will confront that fear and accept it, take it with me face into the wind pushing through the darkness of the unknown.

Money

Erin — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:02:23 +0000

There’s a lot of money here in New York City. Passing from old hands to new, getting lost and being made, lusted after and envied. It’s so easy to find wonderfully indulgent and satisfying ways to spend your money here, in a land where bespoke and niche are commonplace. Not to say that everyone is rich, but that serious money is being spent independent from a person’s financial standing. New York City is like a vacuum that sucks money from your pockets when you step out the door. You can almost see the $20s fly out of your pockets and float up into the air like that feather in Forest Gump. You spend a $100 here, like you would spend $20 somewhere else. You don’t even need to try. I save money when I go on vacation.
I have this internal battle about money: on the one hand I am totally turned off by overindulgence and how the hell so much money can be spent when people in this country are in need, and on the other hand I’m daydreaming about a bag full of cash and four hours in Barney’s. I mean, I work my ass off to make money, I save, I am not an excessive person, but I get these pangs of guilt when I spend. Before I buy something I go through this ridiculous rigorous discussion in my head filled with justifications and tallies and validation. It’s exhausting. And stupid. Because the other part of me knows I’ll be dead soon so I should buy the boots and shut up about it. I also have a tendency to let my mind wander off the grid and imagine myself in some luscious wood, with a massive garden, self-sustaining with no need for money, churning my own butter. But those whimsical little visions get blown away with the allure of really good late night takeout.
I have to accept that money is a driving force in this city, a presence that stands on it’s own as if it were a living thing. The tone of privilege and power that floats over this city is loud and captivating. But it does not drown out the warmth and welcome that is felt here. Affluence is just a smaller stone, sitting on one side of the scale, that balances New York City.

Love in New York City

Erin — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:33:09 +0000

This city is an amazing place to be in love. Little cozy cafés on every corner, beautiful parks to stroll through, small apartments to cuddle up in; there are endless possibilities for romance in New York. It’s finding “love” that seems to be a pain in the ass.
I have some single, attractive, shag worthy friends who can’t seem to find a partner and it baffles me. They put themselves out there, they’re open to love, they have their shit together, but they find themselves stuck in the exhaustive hunt for a mate. It’s tough even with all the tools out there to help facilitate a love connection. The many craftily named dot coms that entice you with those soft focus commercials of a newlywed couple hugging and bowling, or the ever so progressive niche sites that only unite people of the same faith. Yet with all that, it still seems like an incredibly daunting task that, overtime, sucks all the excitement and allure out of what should be an exhilarating experience.
Could it have something to do with the fact that New Yorkers are so used to sensory overload that they need their minds blown constantly? Maybe it’s that New Yorkers are accustomed to getting what they want, whenever they want it, so they forgot how to compromise a little. It’s like a big dog park, everyone is running all over the city sniffing each other’s butts, mounting whoever they want, it’s nuts.
It’s especially difficult for the women in New York because we noticeably out number the straight men, now factor in the married ones and the douche bags, and you got like four men in the whole city to vie for. Not to mention that most of the women in this city are gorgeous, young and smart so the competition is fierce. I feel like it’s easier for two people to find each other in a place where there’s not so much stimulation. A place where there’s not so many options. Like if you lived in Dinkytown, MN (real place) you’d pick one of the two best looking people with all their teeth and you’d make it work. And who’s to say those two aren’t going to be as happy as someone who is searching the planet for perfection?
Who knows what it is, I’m just speculating. Maybe there’s too many people in this city so it takes more time to find your soul mate. Maybe New Yorkers aren’t the settling down type, maybe they’re addicted to the thrill of the chase and don’t even realize it.
But I do know this; there is nothing more beautiful in this world than loving a partner with all of your heart, and everyone deserves to do that.

Challenges

Erin — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 02:54:52 +0000

It’s so important for me to challenge myself, or to be challenged by someone else. Not challenged in the way that someone should push my buttons and confront my opinions, just that they demand strength and bravery from me. I find myself floundering aimlessly when I don’t have a difficult goal to accomplish. I get really bored. I think that’s true for most people on the planet, they’re bored. It’s tough to give yourself a demanding objective, so people wait for others to give them one, and that rarely happens so people just stay uninterested.
Not all challenges are awesome life changing quests, most are not. But learning to recognize and embrace the day to day challenges can be equally rewarding. Reading a book instead of watching TV, walking instead of taking the subway, deciding to give up a bad habit. Accomplishing those modest aspirations can make you feel so good.
But it’s when you really decide to take on something big that you become a powerhouse. Although, for some reason, the older we get the less likely we are to leave our comfort zone and search out an exigent feat. It’s so incredible when you see an adult push themselves, like learning to play an instrument, or studying another language. It’s outstanding to watch them follow through, even though they feel like their brains will never grasp what is being taught to them, they drive through that painful learning process and conquer their goal. Brilliant.
These challenges become addicting when you get the taste for victory. Then comes the battle against the clock. That fleeting time you grasp for when you’re trying to get something accomplished. If only we didn’t need sleep, we would all be geniuses. But the time constraint won’t stop me. It is just another part of the riddle that is life, and my challenge is to try and solve it.

Balls

Erin — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 02:26:44 +0000

You really have to have a pair to make shit happen on this planet. Figuratively speaking. You have to challenge your fears head on. The more afraid you are of something, the harder you should push yourself to overcome that anxiety, and the more rewarding the outcome will be in the end. I’m not talking about the fear that comes along with walking down a dark alley, don’t push yourself to do that. I’m talking about the fears that hinder us from accomplishing our goals. The fears that stop us from going on a job interview because we think we’re not good enough for the position. The fears that prevent us from speaking our mind, or asking a question, or letting love in. Defy those uncertainties, and you will feel so free, you’ll see that your success is limitless.
I have to battle doubts about life all the time. Some struggles I win because I devote all I am to victory, and some I lose and I will try to face them again in the future. But when I’m successful in tackling a fear, the pinhole that I look at life through gets a little bit bigger. My coping skills get a little better. I find more minutes in my day to be relaxed and happy. I become stronger.
We have to be tough. Not hard, but tough. Fierce, and fervent towards creating lives we want to live. This is our one shot, so we better kick some ass.