Challenges
It’s so important for me to challenge myself, or to be challenged by someone else. Not challenged in the way that someone should push my buttons and confront my opinions, just that they demand strength and bravery from me. I find myself floundering aimlessly when I don’t have a difficult goal to accomplish. I get really bored. I think that’s true for most people on the planet, they’re bored. It’s tough to give yourself a demanding objective, so people wait for others to give them one, and that rarely happens so people just stay uninterested.
Not all challenges are awesome life changing quests, most are not. But learning to recognize and embrace the day to day challenges can be equally rewarding. Reading a book instead of watching TV, walking instead of taking the subway, deciding to give up a bad habit. Accomplishing those modest aspirations can make you feel so good.
But it’s when you really decide to take on something big that you become a powerhouse. Although, for some reason, the older we get the less likely we are to leave our comfort zone and search out an exigent feat. It’s so incredible when you see an adult push themselves, like learning to play an instrument, or studying another language. It’s outstanding to watch them follow through, even though they feel like their brains will never grasp what is being taught to them, they drive through that painful learning process and conquer their goal. Brilliant.
These challenges become addicting when you get the taste for victory. Then comes the battle against the clock. That fleeting time you grasp for when you’re trying to get something accomplished. If only we didn’t need sleep, we would all be geniuses. But the time constraint won’t stop me. It is just another part of the riddle that is life, and my challenge is to try and solve it.
Balls
You really have to have a pair to make shit happen on this planet. Figuratively speaking. You have to challenge your fears head on. The more afraid you are of something, the harder you should push yourself to overcome that anxiety, and the more rewarding the outcome will be in the end. I’m not talking about the fear that comes along with walking down a dark alley, don’t push yourself to do that. I’m talking about the fears that hinder us from accomplishing our goals. The fears that stop us from going on a job interview because we think we’re not good enough for the position. The fears that prevent us from speaking our mind, or asking a question, or letting love in. Defy those uncertainties, and you will feel so free, you’ll see that your success is limitless.
I have to battle doubts about life all the time. Some struggles I win because I devote all I am to victory, and some I lose and I will try to face them again in the future. But when I’m successful in tackling a fear, the pinhole that I look at life through gets a little bit bigger. My coping skills get a little better. I find more minutes in my day to be relaxed and happy. I become stronger.
We have to be tough. Not hard, but tough. Fierce, and fervent towards creating lives we want to live. This is our one shot, so we better kick some ass.
Taking a Breath
It’s been a while since my last post. I needed to take a break from shooting for a minute, I needed to take a quiet look at my passion for photography and figure out where I was going with it. I started to get overwhelmed with my fixations about shooting. I was beginning to forget why I fell so in love with my craft. I was losing touch with the joy it brought me. It was starting to make me angry and frustrated. I became so obsessed with some contrived vision of where I wanted to be, instead of just being. So I decided to stop, step back, and take a breath.
I put my camera away, and I spent the last two months trying to be conscious of every moment, instead of always worrying about the next. I walked the streets without my camera, which was so hard for me, and I observed the city without feeling like I needed to capture it. I watched the people and examined the lighting. I noticed every moment that I would have frozen if I had my camera, but instead of taking the moments with me, I let them float by. I went to galleries, and instead of wondering why my work wasn’t in there, I appreciated the work that was. I read books about how to end the suffering and rid yourself of poisonous thoughts. It was really good for me.
About a month and a half had passed and I started to long for time with my camera, my city and my work. The feeling was different though, it was without anxiety and fear. There was a calm about my desire that I hadn’t felt in a while. I wanted to go out and shoot because I just missed shooting, who gives a shit if I get a photo or not. I missed walking the streets, and looking for moments. I missed the excitement I get when I see the light bouncing off a building and illuminating an entire block, or when I come across a kid so perfectly unaware and un self-conscious. I was ready to get out there again.
It was so important for me to take that breath, to pause for a moment and just be. I love photography and I don’t ever want to be so infatuated with where it takes me, that I forget how much it means to me.
