It’s amazing how you can feel yourself evolve. If you pay close enough attention, you can probably remember those moments when you’ve changed your opinion about something due to more time spent on this planet. e.g.,  I remember somewhere during my eleventh year of life spinach didn’t make me gag anymore. When I was fifteen I started to think my boobs were cool. Twenty was the year I really started to feel independent. At twenty five I remember the day I gave myself an eating disorder and at twenty seven I remember the day I realized I missed bread. When I was twenty eight I started to thoroughly enjoy Frontline. These are little examples of personal evolution, I’m sure as time goes by they will get smaller and give way to the greater life realizations that wisdom brings.
I’m sensing one of these personal transformations now. I have this desire to search inside myself and gain insight that I think I’m missing. I feel manic and I want to calm myself down. I’m constantly frustrated that I’m not doing enough, whether it’s photography, writing, exercise or work, I always have this frustration like it’s not sufficient. I hate that. I used to love that sensation, the anxiety that drove me to wander the streets and shoot and find myself in strange places, pushing my limits. But now that feeling is giving me agida, it’s bothering me, and I’m ready to ditch it. Although, I still want to challenge myself and do the same things that were driven by mania, I just want to be a little more relaxed while doing them. I think it will allow me to better enjoy my experiences and my work. It’s like I’m looking at life with my eyes squinted and tensed, I need to open them up and let more light in.
So, I bought a couple of self help books about anxiety and living in the present, we’ll see how it goes. Life’s a journey and I can’t be afraid to make some changes. It’s fun. It’s like I’m creating a new version of myself. Don’t worry, you’ll still recognize me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments ( 3 )

where do you find these people/photos?! they speak through their silence – that’s what’s so cool… still processing the words…

JJ added these pithy words on May 21 09 at 11:37 pm

i love your pictures and your comments– always so inspiring! as far as the anxiety stuff and living in the present goes, have you tried meditation? i started up with it a couple years ago, and it was pretty life altering.

Elisa added these pithy words on May 22 09 at 7:24 am

Damn, if I took shots of people down here, they seriously get annoyed with it. I have been in arguments with people cause there was a camera pointing at them. The problem is down here, I live in a city with a village mentality and they just automatically assume the worst. I need to get down to London, it’s only a few hours drive from here. Anyway some nice shots you have here.

Daniel Dytrych added these pithy words on Jul 21 09 at 11:15 pm

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